i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
