Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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