I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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