I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
