He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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