"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
