I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
