Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
