My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
