I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
