I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
