So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
