he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
