You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
