Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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