I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
