This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
