you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
