Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
