if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
