Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
