at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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