I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
