i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
