I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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