don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
