she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
