just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
