nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
