yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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