I'm so fucking centered right now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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