Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
