remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
