he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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