I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
