I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
