You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
