I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
