does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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