Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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