its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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