I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
