She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
