I cannot find my penis.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
