Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
