I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This baby is an asshole
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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