I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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