Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
