just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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