Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
