If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
