Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
