I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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