you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
