Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
